When I first saw her, held her, felt the warmth of her breath I felt utter disbelief that she was here. As I stared at this new person, I was almost numb with the shock and trauma of my ridiculously fast labour (Two hours start to finish, my midwife warned me I might want to camp in the hospital carpark for the next one).
I never realised how different being a mother would feel. It's amazing really. I made this life, this perfect little human. I felt this unbelievable love for her and a connection like she was a part of me, after all for 9 months she was!
I have this new found appreciation for parents, I finally understand why they can't stop talking about babies and posting pictures of them all over Facebook. Something that used to annoy me before I was pregnant. But now I've become one of these mothers. I can't help but share every little development. I have this constant urge to show everyone I meet the gorgeous pictures of my koala in every pose known to man 'Here she is in her pink top', 'here she is in the red pants', 'here she is in the red pants but with her hand in her mouth'. Its not annoying at all! I get excited over ridiculous things. Who would have thought that some days I'd actually get excited over poo of all things. Who gets excited over poo? A mum does! When your baby has been constipated all day and grizzling in pain, it is almost the most exciting thing in the world! Even more exciting is feeding her. I have a camera at the ready to catch every funny face she pulls when she tries a new flavour.
Speaking of cameras, I've filled 2 8GB memory cards on my camera, plus the memory on my iphones, the memory card on my husband's camera and now I've moved onto filling my mother's camera with photos of the koala. Overkill? Never! I need to capture every development, every milestone. God forbid I miss the first time she wiggles her legs up underneath her in an attempt to begin crawling!
The first month:
The koala was born, I was finally a mother! I think that was a highlight. The highlight of the month. The highlight of pretty much EVER! Other than the constant waking and feeding, I didn't find the first month as hard as I thought it would be. She was pretty easy to manage in the first few weeks, she slept a lot and rarely cried. But by the end of the month my baby had become a little koala, sleeping only on me and crying whenever I tried to put her down. I was glued to the couch.
At 2 Months:
In the second month came the smiles :) oh the smiles. There is nothing better than that first smile. The one where she looks at you and you smile and she smiles, and you feel connected. Like, really connected! Melted my heart. And then came the giggles! Gosh, the sound of a baby laughing... is there ever a sweeter song?
I think I started to get a handle on the being a mummy thing, at least enough that I actually managed to leave the house once or twice!
At 3 Months:
Baby was on the moved! She was rolling, and rolling and rolling.... there was no stopping this girl. Tummy to back, back to tummy, left, right... she had found what she wanted to do and that was to MOVE. I thought I had more time, but our koala decided moving was where its at! Why do they insist on growing up so fast!
I also had the biggest scare of my life! Just before she was three months, our little koala choked and stopped breathing. The worst moment I have ever experienced, it made me appreciate of how fragile life is. I just wanted to hug to my little girl and watch her every second of every hour and never let her out of my sight. Then again, a few days later, the koala celebrated her last day before turning 3 months with an ambulance ride from one hospital to a bigger hospital after a second BIG life or death scare! Luckily she came through the other end, but its something I'll never forget!
We moved our koala into her big girl bed! Well, out of the bassinet and into the cot. This coincided with moving her from her first home and across the country to the warmer north. This was a big deal, we left the first house we ever owned, the first house our koala lived in. It was sad, but given the events of the previous month I was glad to be moving closer to family and having that family support I had been missing.
I met a great group of mothers in my new town and finally felt confident to go out with my koala and socialise. As she became more interactive, I just found things became that little bit easier.
Following the go ahead from the GP, she started solids. I have to say, this has been so fun! She took to it like a duck to water. She loves food, she loves to swirl it around in her mouth. She pulls the best faces when she tries a new flavour. If I let her, she would eat all day! I love making purees for my little koala, I love that I can nourish her and teach her something. For some reason, when she started eating, rather than just drinking milk, it felt like she just grew up a little bit more.
At 6 months:
This has been a big one! The last month I feel like my baby has been developing like crazy! She started sitting up, her "ooo's" and "aaa's" have become "mum mum mum mum mum" :) I think I got a "bubba" at some point too. She also discovered forward movement! Having mastered the commando crawl and rolling as a form of transport, she's getting up on her hands and knees - learning to crawl. She's got the legs going. She's got the arms going. She just hasn't worked out how to put them together yet!
And what's that I see?... my poor koala. She's been cranky, clingy, not sleeping, chewing everything in sight. Yep, that's a tooth!
It has been a big six months adjusting to motherhood. It isn't just my baby learning about the world. I think motherhood has taught me a lot as well. It has me thinking about what I want to do with the rest of my life. What do I want for my family? What is important to me? It's challenged me, its teaching me flexibility and patients. I'm still looking for what's next. I don't know where my future lies, but I do know that family will be a big part of it and I cant wait!
Agent Mystery Case
Finding myself Young