Thursday, 28 May 2015

My experiment child - First born mistakes!

I have to confess, I've made some mistakes with my daughter.

She's 8 months old and I'm already ruining her life! Ok, so that is a tad dramatic, but does anyone else feel like the first child is one big experiment so the second child can benefit from what we've learnt 'ruining' our first?

I'd like to issue an apology to my baby for all these mistakes!

I'm sorry I didn't trust my instincts and have taught you to rely on my rocking you to sleep. When you were born I hadn't had a baby before and I loved your cuddles so I didn't try hard enough to teach you good sleep habits.

I'm also sorry I tried to force you into a routine. It was what the books told me to do. I'm sorry I didn't follow your lead and go with the flow.

I'm sorry I bought you a cheap uncomfortable baby carrier. Why oh why did I buy the fancy expensive pram and the cheap baby carrier! I absolutely use the carrier 1000 times more than the pram which my baby can't stand being in for more than 2 minutes!! This is one of my biggest regrets! My baby carrier is a life saver, sometimes it is the only thing that gets you a to sleep and I'm severely regretting buying the cheapest one, thinking 'I'll only use this occasionally'... yeah, more like 'occasional hours every day!'.

I'm sorry I was so over-enthusiastic with my baby craft projects and finished none. I'm sorry I never knitted you that beanie or painted that picture for your wall or decorated you those little singlets. I think I would have been better off picking one thing I could do and actually finishing it!

I'm sorry I didn't teach you independence. When you were a newborn and for those first few months, I had no idea how to entertain you so I just spent all my time singing, cuddling and playing with you instead of letting you explore. I'm sorry you now rely on me for entertainment. Now at 8 months I am desperately trying to teach you independent play, but all you want is to play with mummy!

I'm sorry I cried when you cried. I know you were crying because you needed something and I was crying because you were crying. I'm sorry I didn't realise my crying made you cry more.

On that note, I'm sorry I didn't know what you wanted. I'm sorry I couldn't yet read your cues. I'm sorry I didn't notice your clenched fists when you were tired or your increasing yell when you were hungry.

I'm sorry I had all these thoughts before you were born about what I shouldn't do, like give you a pacifier. As a result you rely on me for soothing. You need me to rock or feed you for comfort. I'm now sure it would have been easier to get rid of the dummy than spend that last 8 months rocking or feeding you constantly every time you are cranky.

Finally, I'm sorry I was so hard on myself. I'm sorry I was worried. I'm sorry I was stressed. I'm sorry I was over-cautious. I was doing the best I could. I have a beautiful baby and for that I should pat myself on the back!

One thing I'm not sorry about though, is that I cherished you, that I took thousands of photos, that I showered you with love.

To my experimental baby. I'm sorry. I promise I'll be a better mother second time around!

xo


Linking with :
With Some Grace
Ultimate Rabbit Hole

10 comments:

  1. I completely understand what you are saying.....but please don't be sorry. You can't be a perfect parent. And what is a perfect parent anyway? All parents make mistakes, but that's okay, it is because we are human. xo

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    1. Thats true :) I suppose there's benefits of being first born too, she gets all of my time to make up for all the things I don't know how to do yet! We can only try our best as first time mums and hope we learn along the way :)

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  2. I think we all do the same things, although I did get a dummy at about 3 weeks old because she was constantly sitting on my boob for comfort. Now we still have a dummy at nearly 2 and Im petrified of having to take it away.

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    1. Oh no, but at least you had a way to soothe her for 2 years that didn't involve rocking or feeding! I tried to give her a dummy a few months ago and she wouldnt have a bar of it, I think it was too late. Hopefully you can slowly take the dummy away and she'll be ok with it. Fingers crossed :)

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  3. Oh Lu, please don't be so hard on yourself, you sound like a great mum to me! I think you are right when you said you have cherished your baby and showered her with love - that's what your baby girl needs the most! Even third time round I'm doing a lot of the things you have done with your first - my baby girl is a catnapper during the day and needs to be rocked to sleep and even though it's frustrating at times I have learned that it's ok. It's third time round for me at the moment and I know it's going to be my last so I'm making sure I cherish every moment too.

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    1. Glad to know I'm not the only one doing these things and that even after two babies you still feel a little out of control, it makes me feel a little more normal :) Must be so wonderful having your little newborn, but a little bittersweet that its the last time! Enjoy it :)

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  4. You sound like a great mum to me - you're doing the best that you can and that's enough. After all your apologising, you might want to read Bron's post about mother guilt (over at Maxabella Loves)! Thanks for linking up to the Ultimate Rabbit Hole.

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    1. Yes, I read her post yesterday :) Its a good reminder that we all do the best we can and not to let guilt consume us!

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  5. I think all Mum's feel like this first time around but don't be so hard on yourself. None of the things you have done are wrong. I call my first my crash test dummy. Yes second time around is easier and hindsight is wonderful but you can't have a second time around without a first.

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    1. Haha yes, crash test dummy is a good description. Hindsight is always great isnt it! Hopefully the next one I'll be more prepared :)

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