Sunday, 17 May 2015

When are you ready for a second baby? or third? or fourth?

When to try for number two? Pregnancy test
First, no I'm not pregnant. But my baby is now almost 8 months so it's only natural to start thinking about when we want to start trying for that second baby.

My question is, when are you ready?

I know a few women who have bubs the same age as mine and are more than a few weeks pregnant. I find myself just a little jealous that they get to experience the whole pregnancy and new baby again. Not the morning sickness, lack of energy, sleepless nights and all that... but the little kicks in your tummy, the knowledge you are growing this amazing little person, cuddling that squishy newborn, holding a delicate little human in your arms... oh I loved it so much!

I love being a mum! Love it! Every day when my little koala learns something new I think, 'She's learnt this now, I'd love to do this again' (this week she found her tongue. Now its always sticking out.. so cute!). Every time a pregnant friend posts an ultrasound picture I remember how exciting it was, every time I look at my baby I imagine how great it would be for her to have a sibling. There is so much to consider though!

Firstly, love, where do you find the same amount of love for a second baby? I get insanely guilty that I'm even thinking about having another baby, like I would be taking something away from my koala. I worry that I wont be able to give her enough attention and wonder how I can love any other person as much as I love her. Does that sound crazy? Surely I'm not the only one that wonders how you could have any love left after the crazy amount you have for your first baby! I'm told a mothers love is infinite and you just seem to produce even more love for the second one. But do you?

Secondly, there's timing! Do I have them close together or far apart? I know people with small age gaps between their babies (not much more than a year) and those with five years or so! What is best? Do I wait until after the second to return to work, or do I get back into my career and then take another year out to look after a new bub in a few years?

Then, how many kids do I want and what about that horrible biological clock! Will I want more than two? Then I can't leave it too long or I'll get be too old for a third. I'm certainly not an older mother but I'm not twenty either! Twenty-something for your first, early 30's for your second, if you do want a third are you going to have the energy in your late 30's? Well, probably, I know lots of fantastic mums in their late 30's... and technology these days and everyone living longer, I suppose this one isn't such a problem unless I listen to my father-in-law and have five!

Finally, there's the financials! Do we need a bigger car? House? If its a boy we would have to buy 'boy stuff'. I wouldn't be working for another long period. Would be manage?

When was the right time for you to start trying for your second, or third or fourth baby?

Until we decide on when, I'm just going to reminisce about how beautiful my little newborn was, she certainly inst a newborn anymore, but is getting more beautiful every day!

xo

Linking with:
The Ultimate Rabbit Hole
Mummy Do It
Essentially Jess
Agent Mystery Case

30 comments:

  1. I have just had my second and my first has just turned 3. We started trying just before our first was one and it took us about 13 months to conceive. Horses for courses. I am not sure what a great age gap is. They all have their pros and cons. I wanted three kidlets but now I know two is enough for us. :)

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    1. I always said I wanted 2 kids and now Im not so sure, I'd love 100 if it wasnt for money and labour lol I think I'll stick with two. Congrats on your second kiddy :)

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  2. I still don't know the answer and mine is 22 months already. Its like you blink and suddenly they're grown up.

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    1. They do grow up too quickly! I bet your little ladies would make an excellent sister if the world wants that to happen :) It's tricky to know when isnt it!

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  3. Firstly, don't every worry about not having enough love. You will!! No doubt about it. We started trying just after our first turned one. I knew I wanted a close age gap. Whatever you decide to do it has to be your decision based on what you believe is the best for your family. It's an exciting adventure. Jx

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    1. I'm still undecided on if I'd like a close or wide age gap. Maybe I'll just know when its the right time! I cant imagine not loving a baby, I just wonder how on earth I can love anything more than my little koala!

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  4. We started trying when our son was 7 months old as we wanted them close together. We got pregnant just after he turned one so they will be 21 months apart. It is super hard to have bad morning sickness while taking care of a 14 month old. I recently had to spend a day in hospital due to morning sickness and I feel bad for my son as he doesn't understand. Hopefully things will get better soon!

    To each their own. Their are goods and bads to any age gap but never not enough love!

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    1. oh you poor thing! Morning sickness and looking after a little one must be hard! Then there's the picking them up all the time while heavily pregnant. I suppose close age gaps have their downsides. Congrats on your pregnancy!

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  5. I think it's different for everyone - you have to do what works for you and your family. I think whenever you have a baby, the time is always right, don't you?! x

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    1. I hope I just get the feeling its the right time like we did with our koala. If I had another one soon, I wouldnt be sad but if it took a while thats ok too I guess :)

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  6. I read your several blog posts and all I can say is that you are awesome. You are an inspiration!

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    1. Thank you so much :) That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me! thanks for reading!

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  7. I always wanted lots of babies but I was determined to at least have two. I wanted them as close together as possible as I HATED being pregnant and I wanted the whole thing over and done. Also I thought they'd get on better being closer in age, as me and my siblings did. When my daughter was 18 months, I got a very strong feeling that it was time to try again, despite having some financial and work problems at the time. I always listen to these feelings so I started the process again and conceived my beautiful son. And although his pregnancy was no better and despite depression, having to quit my job, sell my house and move back to my parents, the decision was proven right in the end. We are so happy and healthy now and everything is on track. So I guess, trust your instincts!

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    1. So glad you made the right decision! Even with all the hardship, children are worth it arent they! Hopefully I'll just know like you did :)

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  8. I doubt many women truly feel ready within the first year of their first baby's birth. (I say that having become pregnant when my first was 7 months old, but that was an accident!) I think the second, and definitely the third, is something that happens much like your first baby: one day it just feels like the right time to give it a red hot go. Don't think too much about it and I doubt you can plan for it either. x

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    1. Hopefully I just know when its right :) My bub isnt much older than 7 months and to be honest, it wouldnt be the end of the world if I got pregnant now but I imagine its hard having two so young.

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    2. It's MEGA hard. But then, all age gaps have their negatives and positives. You'll be just fine whenever it happens. x

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  9. Lu, I predict you'll be pregnant before long, the way you're talking! It's so exciting, isn't it, thinking about that new baby growing and picturing them fitting into your little family! With my second, I was happy to wait until my first was nearly 2 before falling preg. When I had my second, I got obsessed about number 3, and fell preg again when she was 15 months or so. Agree with those who said all the gaps have pros and cons. You get another bucket of love with each baby. That's confirmed from the frontline of four kids x x Good luck!!

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    1. Hehe I love babies!! Funny thing, before I met my hubby I wasnt sure if I'd ever have kids, then it somehow seemed right. Then I was sure I only wanted one of two but they are just so great!!

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  10. Oh god, it took us 5 years to have my first so we had to get cracking on the second because I was already 33 when I had him. The choice was kind of made for me! PS the 2nd one took only 3 months to conceive naturally, and that was straight after two frozen IVF transfers. Go figure.

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    1. Im told you are most fertile after having a baby, glad conceiving your second was much faster (and presumably less expensive!) :)

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  11. I am 21 weeks pregnant with my second, my first is 21 months. He will be 26 months old when bub is born. How children react to their siblings or whether a smaller age or larger age gap is better for them, will largely be determined by how you parent them. We have been doing a lot of preparation work for our boy as he is very protective and possessive of his mum and dad. He may be a little put out when bub comes, but we will have six months of ground work to call upon to make him feel a ease. Thanks for a great post, Lauren from Canberra Mummy, Agent Mystery Case linky.

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    1. congrats on your pregnancy!!! So exciting :) 26months seems like a good age gap, but I suppose all age gaps have good and bad. Hopefully your little man will adapt to the new bub once they are here, its always going to be a learning curve for the first born isnt it!

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  12. I have three kids, with a 25 and 26 month gap between each which I think is a good difference. I didn't want them to be any closer together than that but didn't want too big a gap either, especially as my biological clock was ticking. I had them at 37,39 and 41 so don't think you've got anything to worry about yet!!

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    1. 20something months seems like a good age gap :) I dont think having kids in your late 30's and heading into the early 40's is too much of a big deal these days. Age is just a number when it comes to motherhood isnt it!

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  13. Oh gosh! That image is just divine. What a little sweetie. I love the baby phase too, although I didn't enjoy pregnant. I was lucky to have my kids two years apart which seems just about perfect to me. There's four years between my sister and I and six between my brother and I and we all get on fine. Good luck :)

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    1. thanks :) she was 5 days old there and already a cheeky little thing! The newborn/young baby phase is so good isnt it! She's still such a baby at almost 8 months but has grown up so much, I thought I'd have my little baby for longer, but she's almost walking! I suppose age gaps dont make much of a difference, its all about personalities :)

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  14. I could have had another the day I gave birth to my son! I was never a 'kid' person but as soon as I was pregnant and then had my bub, I wanted heaps more!! We would love to have another very soon as my age is creeping into the late 30's, and that sort of scares me. The lack of energy is a big scare for sure.

    xo

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  15. I could have had more and more as soon as I gave birth to my son! I was never really a 'kid' person but I became very maternal when I was pregnant. I fell in love with any newborn I saw. We would love to have another very soon as my age is creeping into the late 30s, and that does scare me. Especially not having enough energy, and my kids having an older Mum.

    p.s. I posted before but it didn't show up for some reason. Sorry if I have two posts come up.

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    1. Babies are so wonderful!!! I was very much the same, once I got pregnant and had a baby I did become super maternal and felt like I could just have babies forever! You're definitely not too old to have another baby, I think its quite normal these days and age is just a number in motherhood :)

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