Sunday, 2 August 2015

In mourning... the end is near... {Plus Parent Talk Australia GIVEAWAY!}

Photo credit : Uqbar is back /Flikr
I'm in mourning, although it's not what you think. I'm mourning for the end of breastfeeding.

When I had the koala, I had to wait for stitching up after a big tear. I waiting a couple of hours while I had some fun manual uterus contraction (yay short labours - means extra pain after!).. anyway, yes too much information, but my point is that I didn't get to breastfeed the koala straight away. As a result, we had a rocky start. She wouldn't latch and it was frustrating and painful. I found myself in tears so many times.

After a few weeks things got better. It was easier and less painful.. until mastitis hit at 4 weeks! Have you had it? Mastitis sucks ass! I ended up in hospital on a drip and breastfeeding was worse than ever. It hurt like a b*tch and I could barely lift my baby up to feed her. A tonne of antibiotics and a few days later, we were back on track and it got so much easier!

By the time bub was two months old, I actually found I started to enjoy feeding her. It was our time together for cuddles and I loved her sleepy milk drunk face. As the months went on I enjoyed it more, strange as it seemed, I actually looked forward to feeding her. The quiet. The calm. The cuddles. All rare things to come from my energetic little koala.

Sadly though, it looks like it has come full circle and our breastfeeding journal is coming to an end. My little koala is now 10 months and has 6 teeth. Six very sharp teeth. I feed her to sleep still, because frankly she's a terrible sleeper and its the only way I can get her to sleep. Problem is, she's started biting. Not consciously. She doesn't realise she's doing it. This is where the problem lies. I've tried pulling her off, she just clamps down harder. I've tried telling her 'no'... it results in lots of tears and no more sleep for baby. She doesn't understand she's doing anything wrong.

So now I'm at my dilemma, is my breastfeeding journey coming to an end? I suspect it is. I know its not her fault, she doesn't even realise she's doing it but I cringe every time I feed her. I no longer look forward to it as our quiet time together. Instead I wait in painful anticipation for that moment when she's almost finished feeding and wonder 'is she going to fall asleep and let go or is she going to clamp those jaws shut?' Its no longer comfortable but now agonising. I'm back to that feeling of when she was first learning to feed.

Yes, our breastfeeding journey is coming to an end.

I am sad.

I actually feel a sense of of loss that I'll no longer be breastfeeding. I'm heading into a mourning phase already. That sounds so strange doesn't it? But it's how I feel. I've spent the last 10 months with my little koala attached to my breast at least 4 times a day. In the early days it was 10 times a day or more. It was our quiet time together. It helped us bond early on. For 10 months we've curled up on the bed and she'd cuddled me as she fed. In a way it felt like I was all she needed. Now, I feel like she needs me less.

I'll mourn the cuddles. I'll mourn the closeness. I'll mourning the bonding. I'll mourn the quite.

So that's where my breastfeeding journey ends. I was lucky. Some mothers don't get to feed their babies for this long, some not at all. I feel privileged that I could do this for my baby.

But whether you fed your baby breast or bottle, you're baby appreciates it.

Thanks mumma.

xo


Parent Talk Australia Giveaway!

Talking of breastfeeding, its World Breastfeeding Week from August 1 to 7. Looking For Mama Me is partnering with Parent Talk Australia for this awesome giveaway in honour of breastfeeding!

You could win the gorgeous new Ergobaby Natural Curve Nursing Pillow, RRP $129.00 OR the Ergobaby Four Position 360 Carrier – Dusty Blue, RRP $229.00.

The competition closes at 5.00pm on Friday 7 August 2015. Just enter via the Rafflecopter and tell us in the comments what’s the best thing about pregnancy? (The winner will be the answer that makes us go ‘aaaaaw’ the most!)

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17 comments:

  1. Lu to stop the biting the advice I got from the ABA was to push bubs head into your chest so they can't breathe through their nose - she'll open her nouth to breathe and let go of your boob. Sounds cruel but it's really not! It worked with both of my kids. Good luck, those little bites can be so painful!! BTW my guy has 20 teeth!!

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    1. Urgh 20 teeth! 6 is bad enough! I've tried everything the ABA suggested to no avail. She doesn't realise she's biting because she's basically asleep... silly girl... I think when its time, its time :(

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  2. There are lots of strategies you can try (if you want to continue) for biting- it does pass! This article might help: http://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/biting/ my nursling went through a biting stage at about 9 million baths but we got through and she's still feeding at almost 3!😂

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    1. I've tried everything in the book! I'm sure it'll pass eventually but I'm not sure I'll be able to hold out that long. I was going to have to wean her at 12 months anyways, so its just a bit sooner than planned :( Great work for sticking it out!

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  3. I breastfed all 4 kids but I remember makin sure I enjoyed my last baby because I knew I would never do it again... If I close my eyes I can still see us cuddling together

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    1. awww it really is sad to give it up, I bet its harder when you know you weren't going to do it ever again :)

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  4. I can definitely sympathise with you! My baby is 9 months old and just starting this now. We've had a pretty good ride with the feeding so far but I can also tell that the end is getting closer. I don't think I've really processed that it's coming to an end yet but I know it'll hit me when we stop.

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    1. Definitely! I think once I stop all together and she's fully weaned I'll feel even sadder :( I hope your bub stops biting so you can keep feeding her, if not I hope the weaning goes well. Enjoy the cuddles while you get them I suppose :)

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  5. You've managed to breast feed a lot longer than I did! Both of mine were weaned by 5 months for various reasons. Breastfeeding didn't come easily to us and took a huge toll on my own health. But yes, I remember mourning it particularly when I weaned Miss 18, as I knew she was our last baby.

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    1. I feel so lucky that I had the opportunity to breastfeed her at all! I know so many women can't. I'm sorry you had such a hard time feeding yours, it must have been hard weaning early knowing you wouldn't be doing it again xo

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  6. Aww it's such a bittersweet thing. I hated nursing at first but was similarly sad when it ended when my daughter turned 1. Good luck with the biting!!

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    1. Thanks :) I didn't realise how sad it would be to wean a baby when I was pregnant but hopefully we'll still have cuddles and bonding when she's weaned.

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  7. I never got to the biting stage but can totally relate to the sadness though there are positives to the end of breastfeeding too so I guess you just need to try and focus on those. Just a word of warning, I got the mega weaning blues when I stopped breastfeeding and it's actually a 'thing'. I never knew it existed but your hormones go crazy and you can get a bit down and out and I didn't realise till I was in the midst of it what the cause was. Just thought I'd let you know just to be aware of it :) #TeamIBOT

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  8. I have just weaned my baby girl. My boobs aren't back to normal yet and I have a few leakage issues. I can understand your sadness but you can still enjoy lots of cuddles and think about that extra freedom you might be able to have.

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  9. I never successfully breastfed any of my kids so I mourned more the opportunity lost rather than the actual act of breastfeeding itself. Be kind to yourself and make sure you still enjoy special time and cuddles with your little koala x

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  10. I'm sorry - it's bittersweet for certain. I had to stop nursing my youngest way earlier than I wanted to and I still wish I could have fed her longer. But she's a big, happy 3 year old now so...here's to more fun days ahead! :-)

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  11. I agree with Haidee, look for the silver lining. It might be hard to find it but it's there.

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